why I struggle to trust

John 13 7As Christmas is *literally* around the corner, my verse of the day is 1 John 4:9 which says “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” It is important that we celebrate Jesus’ birth, but also to remember why He was born. He was born into this sin-filled earth to live a perfect life and to be the perfect sacrifice to take on all of the sins of the world.

I was led to John 13 where Jesus is washing His disciples feet before He goes to die on the cross. In verses 6-8, it was foreshadowing of what His purpose for being sent to earth for – He washes His disciples feet to show the larger plan that God has – for His Son to die to cleanse us of our sins.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

John 13: 6-8

This passage of scripture holds so much truth, faith, and hope for me and I often disregard it. I try to do so much without Him and on my own that I often forget that I need Christ all the time. I forget that whether it’s [most often] future plans like getting into the Elementary Education program at Auburn, what I’m going to do this summer, marriage [fingers crossed on that one ;-) ], where I’ll be serving the Lord, and what I’ll be doing out of college.  I worry so much about what I’m going to do, what I feel, what I want for my life that I push aside God and His PERFECT plan. I have become so self-absorbed that I am not serving the Lord the way that I should.

Like in verse 8, unless if I let Him wash my feet, give Him all my problems, give Him my plans, give Him MY LIFE…I have no part with Him and that scares me more than not getting what I want in this temporary life.

There is nothing too big or too small that He can’t handle, that He hasn’t already thought of and made a way for.

Also, holding onto John 13:7 gives me comfort that I don’t have to have everything figured out. I’m often discouraged that so many people know what they are called to do and yet I don’t even know what I’ll be doing next month.

I struggle to trust because I am a sinner and I fail everyday. But the beautiful thing about God is that He has mercy for me everyday, even when I do not deserve it.

Knowing that through my trials and uncertainty, I do not know what will come of it, but the Lord will reveal it to me later if it’s in His will. The Lord’s plan is always far greater than mine and I can rest [even though it is difficult for me] in that and have hope that everything will work out ot bring Him the most glory.


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